Balancing act

When I became a mother, I never imagined I’d one day have to split time and custody with my children.

I was in my late 20s when my first son was born. His existence showed me, for the first time, what true love looked like—pure, non-obligated, unconditional. I had never experienced that depth of connection with anyone before.

I didn’t think I could ever feel that kind of love again… and then came my second and third sons. Somehow, that intense love multiplied in ways I didn’t think were possible.

Watching them grow, witnessing their personalities bloom, has been the greatest joy of my life.

So the thought of a 50/50 custody split is, in many ways, heartbreaking. Yet, I understand it’s reasonable, fair and necessary.

They deserve to spend meaningful time with their dad, just like they do with me. He deserves to parent them on his terms, in his space, in this new phase of our family’s story.

But understanding the logic of something doesn’t make it hurt any less. The house feels too quiet when they’re gone. I miss them in every corner.

At the same time, if I’m being honest, single motherhood is tough. And while a two-parent household filled with toxic energy wasn’t any easier, the weight of doing everything alone is constantly heavy.

That’s why I’m learning to cherish my “off” days. Not just tolerate or fill them, but actually cherish them.

For months, I was too overwhelmed to even notice them. Between work, divorce drama, protective orders, and the endless responsibilities of life, the quiet felt foreign and a little scary.

I’ve been consumed with motherhood for over 15 years. When I left my marital home, I knew I’d be sharing time with my kids, but I didn’t fully grasp or calculate what that would look or feel like.

Now, as we approach a final custody agreement, I’m filled with anxiety. I don’t regret ending my marriage, but I underestimated how far the ripple effects would reach.

Getting back to me

Somewhere along the way, especially in the last six years, I lost myself.

Two years ago, if you had asked me what I liked or what brought me joy, I would’ve drawn a blank. I had no hobbies. I didn’t prioritize self-care. I was consumed with saving a sinking marriage, raising three boys, and climbing the corporate ladder. There was no time for me.

Now, things are changing. With built-in alone time, I’m rediscovering myself—slowly, but intentionally.

• I’m decorating my new home just the way I like it.

• I’m showing up at the gym, pushing my limits.

• I’m exploring new hobbies and carving out joy that isn’t tied to anyone else.

Do I still dread the transitions when my boys leave for their dad’s house? Absolutely.
I also feel a deep sense of relief that I get to pour into myself, too. And I deserve that.

What my kid-free days look like

I’ve found that being intentional with my alone time allows me to reset and refocus. It helps me show up as a more present, grounded mom when my boys are with me. And that, in itself, is healing.

On kid-free days, I give myself space to:

• Go on solo dates

• Catch up with friends

• Explore new places

• Watch my shows

• Read my books

• Work out

• Show up to therapy

And I also prepare for their return by:

• Grocery shopping

• Deep cleaning

• Doing laundry

• Running errands

• Booking appointments (for them and me)

I’m realizing that this balance of being fully present for them, and also deeply committed to me is essential. I’m still healing. I have a long way to go. But this balance is part of the puzzle. And you know what makes it all feel okay again?

When they come back.

They walk through the door still carrying their joy from time with their dad, and shower me with smiles and endless “I love yous.” It reminds me that they’re okay. That we're okay.

“Being a single parent is not a life full of struggles, but a journey for the strong.” – Meg Lowrey

According to the U.S. Census Bureau, nearly 1 in 5 children live with a single mother. That’s millions of women—millions of mothers—who are navigating this same balancing act of presence, healing, and sacrifice.

I’m not alone in this. And neither are you.

Affirmations for the single mom in transition

• I am allowed to miss my children and enjoy my time alone.

• I am more than enough for my children.

• I deserve rest, joy, and healing.

• My kids are thriving in the love I give them.

• I can love my children deeply and love myself fully.

• I honor this season of rediscovery and growth.

Journal prompts

1. What emotions come up for me during the transition between parenting time and alone time?

2. How can I make space for joy and rest without guilt?

3. In what ways have I grown since becoming a single mother?

4. What parts of myself am I reconnecting with now that I have time to focus inward?

5. What does showing up fully for my children—and for myself—look like in this season?