Divorced, but not done
I just found out that I’m officially divorced—only two days before what would have been my 9th wedding anniversary.
Friends keep asking me how I feel, and honestly, I feel kind of numb. There are still a few things left to settle before it’s all truly behind me. Soon, we’ll begin the process of untangling all the things we once blended—finances, property, routines, and expectations.
And here it comes again, anxiety. Slowly but surely creeping back into my bones, my heart, and my spirit.
Divorce isn’t a finish line. It’s just one step in a much longer process. First was getting the courage to leave. Then came the storm of separation. Now, divorce. Next up: mediation. And after that... will it be over?
By my measure, not even close. We have three children together—our youngest is only three. This isn’t the kind of breakup where you cut ties and go your separate ways. We’ll be connected, one way or another, for years to come.
Sometimes that feels incredibly unfair. I have to maintain communication and cooperation with someone I experienced deep trauma with. I have to stay composed and respectful in the face of volatility. I have to keep showing up with grace and strength when all I want to do is walk away and never look back.
I used to hold onto hope that things would change. I tried everything—books, podcasts, prayers, strategies. I bent and broke myself into pieces trying to fix something that couldn’t be fixed. Eventually, I stopped hoping. I started seeing things exactly as they were.
Now, instead of letting anxiety consume me, I choose to acknowledge and honor it. Because those feelings are real. They are true. They are valid.
And they’re trying to tell me something. So I listen. I follow the trail to the root and ask myself the hard questions:
Who am I now?
What do I believe in?
What do I desire?
Why am I feeling this way?
What is beneath this anxiety?
Answering these questions helps me turn those heavy emotions into self-discovery. They guide my personal healing and give me clarity for my therapy sessions—so I don’t spend my time just recapping events, but actually moving forward.
This isn’t the end of my story—it’s the middle. I’m still doing the work. I’m divorced, but I’m not done.
Journal Prompts
What does “done” look like to me—and is that a realistic or helpful expectation?
In what ways have I grown through each stage of this journey (leaving, separating, divorcing)?
What boundaries do I need to protect my peace while co-parenting?
How can I show up for myself with the same compassion I give to others?
What fears are fueling my anxiety, and what truths can I speak back to them?
