Leaning into mom guilt
The pressures of motherhood are unrelenting. Trying to meet your children’s needs while also caring for yourself can feel impossible. And even when you're doing your best, guilt finds a way in.
According to a 2022 study by Motherly, 78% of moms experience guilt weekly, often about not doing enough, being enough, or balancing it all “right.” But here’s what I’ve come to understand:
There’s no such thing as a perfect mom.
I’m not a perfect mom, and I’m not trying to be. Every day, I’m learning and growing, giving myself grace while holding myself accountable to being the kind of mom my children need.
But that doesn’t mean I don’t carry guilt. I have a whole bag full.
I never planned on raising my children in two separate households.
Guilty.
I didn’t expect to move them from a house with a yard to a small apartment where space is limited.
Guilty.
They’ve witnessed moments of tension and toxicity between their parents.
Guilty.
They’ve seen me stressed, overwhelmed, and emotionally exhausted.
Guilty again.
There are so many moments I’ve replayed in my head, wondering how I could’ve handled them differently. So many times I’ve mourned not having the answers or the energy to show up as my best self.
But here's the shift: I no longer see guilt as something to hide from. I see it as a signal—a chance to reflect, take responsibility, and reconnect with what matters most.
In fact, the greatest gift I can give my children is not perfection, but transparency, emotional awareness, and the willingness to grow.
This realization deepened when I began healing my relationship with my own mother. For years, I held on to resentment. It wasn’t until I started therapy that I began to see her not just as “Mom,” but as a full human being, shaped by her own unspoken battles and unmet needs. That shift cracked something open in me.
Now, I give her and myself grace. We are rebuilding something new. And that healing has helped me rewrite how I parent my own children.
So when mom guilt creeps in, I lean in instead of pulling away:
When I feel guilty for breaking up our two-parent home, I use it as a chance to talk to my kids about boundaries and emotional safety.
When I mourn the move to a smaller space, I become more intentional with quality time and exploration.
When I reflect on the hard moments they’ve seen, I create space for open conversations and feelings.
When they see me stressed, I let them see the whole version of me, a woman doing her best and healing out loud.
As Brené Brown says,
“Who we are and how we engage with the world are much stronger predictors of how our children will do than what we know about parenting.”
And so, I choose to show up imperfectly but authentically because that’s what I want my kids to learn to do too.
Affirmations for when mom guilt creeps in
I am the mother my children need; just as I am.
My mistakes do not define my motherhood.
I choose growth over perfection.
My love is felt, even in the messy moments.
It's safe for me to be human in front of my children.
Journal prompts
What do I feel most guilty about in my parenting, and what does that say about my values?
How can I show myself compassion in the same way I show it to my children?
What lesson might my children be learning from watching me struggle and still try?
Where can I replace guilt with grace this week?
What would I say to a friend who was feeling the guilt I carry?
