EMDR Update: Learning to Trust Myself Again
I’ve been continuing my EMDR therapy journey. When I’d researched the approach prior to starting, I learned that in sessions I’d process difficult experiences with a goal of reducing the emotional charge attached to them. That has been a central part of the process in each session, but it’s been much more than that. EMDR often uncovers things you didn't even realize were there and it isn't just about the events themselves, but the beliefs those events created.
Over the last several months, I've spent a lot of time working through memories, emotions, and experiences that shaped how I saw myself, other people, and the world around me. What continues to surprise me is that the work rarely ends where it starts. A memory that seems connected to one issue often leads to something much deeper.
Recently, I found myself exploring the concept of trust. At first, I assumed the issue was trusting other people and that made sense given some of the experiences I've had over the last few years. But as we continued processing, something unexpected surfaced. The real question wasn't whether I could trust other people, it was whether I trusted myself. I’ve been doubting if I can trust my own instincts and judgment. And wondering if could I trust myself to recognize when something wasn't right, or to set meaningful boundaries?
If my sense of safety depends entirely on other people's behavior, I'll always be vulnerable to their choices. But if I trust myself, then my safety doesn't disappear when someone disappoints me. I carry it with me.
That's one of the things I've come to appreciate most about EMDR. It isn't simply helping me revisit the past. It's helping me understand how the past continues to influence the present, helping me identify beliefs I didn't realize I was carrying and challenge stories that no longer serve me.
And perhaps most importantly, it's helping me replace those stories with healthier ones.
I've also noticed something else. The emotional intensity attached to certain memories continues to decrease. Not because I've forgotten or excused what happened, but because my brain is finally processing experiences that once felt stuck. Now, both the memories and lessons remain, but the weight is changing.
For anyone considering EMDR, my experience has been that healing isn't always about finding answers. Sometimes it's about discovering better questions. The question that brought me into therapy wasn't, "How do I trust myself?" But it may very well be one of the most important questions I've answered along the way. And that's what this stage of healing feels like for me. Less focused on understanding what happened, with more on understanding who I want to become because of it.
The journey continues.
