Why I’m Starting EMDR
For years, my therapy experience has consisted of talking things through. It’s been really helpful to give me language, insight, awareness and perspective.
Lately, I realized something important: I can understand my pain without actually releasing it.
I’ve been able to logic my way through childhood trauma, articulate patterns in my adult relationships and name the “why” behind my anxiety, my overthinking, my hyper-independence.
And yet, my nervous system hasn’t gotten the memo.
Hitting the Wall with Talk Therapy
I’ve been in therapy on and off since childhood, and consistently as an adult. I’ve done the work with Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT), talk therapy, reframing and coping strategies. I consider myself reflective and introspective.
But over time, I’ve noticed a personal block. I can:
Talk about hard things without emotion
Describe trauma in a matter-of-fact way
Push through almost anything
What I couldn’t do was rest inside myself. Instead, I’ve remained tight, guarded, and hyper-vigilant.
Constantly managing and always enduring.
Throughout this particularly difficult season of life, navigating d divorce, prolonged conflict, and failed mediations, I realized I wasn’t just stressed. I am exhausted from “surviving”. I knew it was time to ask for deeper support to calm the intensity of things out of my control.
Enter EMDR
That’s when I started looking into EMDR (Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing).
I had heard about it in conversations about trauma; especially for people who:
Intellectualize their experiences
Normalize things that weren’t actually normal
Learned early on to “be strong” and “push through”
Struggle with anxiety, self-trust, and boundaries
I could relate to that. What intrigued me most wasn’t the technique itself; it was the approach.
From what I understand, EMDR doesn’t ask you to endlessly retell your story. It works with how trauma is stored in the body and nervous system and aims to reprocess experiences so they no longer feel present and overwhelming.
What I’m Hoping to Heal
As I begin this journey, my goal isn’t to erase the past. It’s to stop carrying it so tightly. I want to:
Trust myself again
Stop second-guessing my instincts
Set boundaries without guilt
Speak up without fear
Feel calm without having to earn it
For most of my life, resilience meant endurance. Now, healing means choice.
Why I’m Sharing This
I’m sharing this because I know I’m not alone. So many women, especially mothers, become experts at surviving. We adapt cope and hold it together.
This post is the start of a series where I’ll share my experience with EMDR; what it’s like, what I’m learning, and how it’s shifting the way I relate to myself.
I’m a woman choosing to heal differently.
If you’ve ever felt like you’ve “done the work” but still feel stuck…
If you’re tired of pushing through…
If your mind understands but your body won’t let go…
You’re not broken. You might just need a new path forward.
