When Red Flags Look Pink
Merriam-Webster defines a “red flag” as a warning of danger.
After a recent therapy session, I had to come face-to-face with the red flags I ignored throughout my relationship. And beyond identifying them, I had to ask myself an even harder question: Why did I ignore them?
I’ve joked with friends before that when you really like someone, those red flags don’t look red at all. Sometimes they look pink. Or burgundy. Faded. Less urgent. Easy to excuse.
In the moment, overlooking them feels better than facing the truth. Especially when those red flags haven’t yet touched you personally. Maybe they show up in how someone treats others or mishandles situations. I convinced myself—he wouldn’t treat me that way.
It’s so tempting to focus on the positives. To remind yourself that no one is perfect. That every relationship requires compromise. That love means patience and grace.
But the truth is: red flags don’t fade—they intensify. And love isn’t meant to blind you to yourself.
I’m still unpacking my rationale. Still trying to understand why I allowed things that didn't sit right with me to slide for so long. But part of that work means turning inward and looking at my history, my patterns, my upbringing, and my fears.
More importantly, it means defining what my red flags are. Not just the textbook examples, but the things that make me feel unsettled, unsafe, unheard. Instead of rationalizing or minimizing, I’m learning to honor my discomfort. To walk away when something doesn’t feel right, no matter how charming the package is. Because I finding that I’m worth protecting.
I’ve come too far and survived too much to ignore my intuition again. And while I still want to be open to connection, I now know that openness means nothing without boundaries for any relationship.
At this point in my life, I can’t afford to carry one more invisible wound. So I’m choosing to move forward with discernment, self-trust, and a vow to never confuse red for pink again.
Journal Prompts
What red flags have you overlooked in past relationships?
What did they cost you?
Where do you feel discomfort in your body when something doesn’t feel right?
What can that sensation teach you about your boundaries?
How can you create a personal list of red flags—based on your values and needs?
