When red flags look pink

I used to think red flags were obvious: bold, unmistakable signs telling you to run. But in love, they rarely look that way.

Merriam-Webster calls a red flag “a warning of danger.” In hindsight, I saw plenty.

After a recent therapy session, I had to come face-to-face with the red flags I ignored throughout my relationship. And beyond identifying them, I had to ask an even harder question: Why did I ignore them?

I’ve joked with friends that when you really like someone, red flags don’t look red at all. Sometimes they look pink. Or burgundy. Faded. Less urgent. Easy to excuse.

In the moment, overlooking them feels safer than facing the truth—especially when they haven’t touched you directly. Maybe they show up in how he treats others or how he handles conflict. I convinced myself: he wouldn’t treat me that way.

It’s tempting to focus on the good. To remind yourself that no one is perfect. That relationships require compromise. That love means patience and grace.

But here’s the truth: red flags don’t fade, they intensify. And love should never blind you to yourself.

I’m still unpacking my rationale. Still trying to understand why I let so many things slide. That work has forced me to turn inward and examine my patterns, my upbringing, and my fears.

More importantly, I’m learning to define my red flags—not just the textbook ones, but the moments that leave me feeling unsafe, unseen, or unsettled. Instead of rationalizing, I’m learning to honor my discomfort. To walk away when something doesn’t feel right, no matter how charming the package.

Because I’m finally realizing—I am worth protecting.

I’ve come too far and survived too much to ignore my intuition again. And while I still want to be open to connection, I now know that openness means nothing without boundaries.

At this point in my life, I can’t afford to carry one more invisible wound. So I’m choosing to move forward with discernment, self-trust, and a vow to never confuse red for pink again.

If you’re seeing pink where there should be red, I hope this is your gentle nudge: your peace is not worth the gamble. Protect it. Honor it. Trust yourself.

Journal Prompts

• What red flags have you overlooked in past relationships?

• What did they cost you?

• Where do you feel discomfort in your body when something doesn’t feel right?

• What can that sensation teach you about your boundaries?

• How can you create a personal list of red flags—based on your values and needs?